Saw said shrink. Again, this is one of the nicest humans I've ever observed. He reminds me of somebody.. some actor... I think it's that guy that used to play the best friend on "Mad About You" who went crazy and left his wife to travel the world.. probably renegotiated his acting contract... he was played by Richard Kind (thank you imdb.com).
Anyways, my shrink listened attentively as he always does. He has his laptop there on the table and he types occasionally as he talks. I guess this is the equivalent of the old notebook that they scribble on while you lay on the couch. One other thing is that his new office has a window out into the hall and there is a secretary or nurse or something sitting right across from me. Felt self-conscious a couple times, but I got over it. Another thing he does is once in a while he lowers the lid on the laptop and leans over it. I think "Hmmmm... he's really listening now..."... Interesting technique. I also notice when he starts typing or when he wrinkles his forehead and looks concerned when I say something. Bottom line is that this whole situation of being observed and observing the observer is fascinating to me. I've always like self-analysis, so it's fun to have someone else playing along.
So on to the plot: What did he say about the results I've had so far? I told him that I wasn't sure if the Concerta was working for me. I said "Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE my speed... but I'm not sure it is achieving the goal I set out to accomplish - making myself more effective in my career. I have continued to get lots of energy from the 36mg I was taking, but I could see it making things worse. I'm a great salesguy because of it when I'm "on stage", but the effects of the Concerta didn't help to keep me focused when I was working on other things or when I had a barrage of requests coming to me at once. I feel like I was "chasing my tail" a lot. I was expecting him to suggest we try a different drug with more of a mellowing effect. I know some people are on Wellbutrin, so I thought he might say that. Instead he surprised me. "I think you have some very good effects from the Concerta, and some negative ones... I'm going to recommend that we increase the dose..."
I'm sure some of you might not be as surprised as I was. I thought "Stimulant is making me worse... stop stimulant". Instead "Stimulant isn't working exactly right... up the dose!". Interesting... So today is my first day of 54mg. I can definitely feel a difference. I am really more mellowed, but with that tension in the front sides of my skull on top. I think this is like I felt when I first started on the tiny dose of Concerta. Two years from now, I will say "Well, I've just started on my 2000mg dose today... feels like of like when I first started.."
We finally closed on our house yesterday, so I thought that this would be a good test - PACKING! We are moving this weekend. My wife has been packing for the last week while I tried to knock work out. I have my office in the basement and a few other areas that I'm going to be completely responsible for, so my work is cut out for me today and tomorrow. It's 9:25am and I'm finishing up a few work e-mails and typing this blog. Wife is at the new house, painting. I will see how my packing goes today... should be a nice audition for Concerta 54!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
Not Awesome Yet
Okay, so sorry for the delay.... fuck me... I'm so sick of saying that. "So sorry for the fucking delay...." fuck... Okay, so I've been drinking a bit tonight... I say fuck a lot more and I use more ellipses.... but that's the worst part I guess. I really have been saying that a lot lately. I'm so far behind on parts of my job. Actually I guess I could say I'm behind on all parts of my job almost perfectly equally. I have an appointment tomorrow with the shrink...
UPDATE:
I started to write this on a stressed-out night after a couple drinks. Obviously not my best mood. Things are different today. See next Post...
Chris
UPDATE:
I started to write this on a stressed-out night after a couple drinks. Obviously not my best mood. Things are different today. See next Post...
Chris
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
About to Be Awesome!
Okay, so here I am... I've been preparing all morning... started preparing last night, as a matter of fact. I sat with my computer on my lap while my wife and I watched the recorded episode of Heroes from Monday night. I could have been working on things such as the report I promised the president of my company that I would have had by "COB" on Tuesday... it's Tuesday night... well, too late to be prompt. So instead I do something very important... I google "Ghost Busters" and look for the black guy because I recognize him as a new character, a detective, on Heroes. This is one of my talents, and my wife always says "You are SO GOOD at that..." - one of the few actual compliments she consistently gives me, so I guess I work hard to find those moments. So as we continue to watch, I continue to google other important things. Eventually, the show has ended, and it's back to work... I decide the best thing to do now is to finish that report... well, not quite yet... what I really need to do at this moment is pour myself the rest of the Dierberg's Bourbon (a store-brand from the local grocery store... surprisingly good considering) and attempt to unlock some more characters on Mario Kart Wii! My son was very impressed when I spent a drunken night after he had gone to bed playing the game and unlocked 3 or 4 new characters and his favorite new vehicle "Super Blooper Kart". Side note: He loves this kart so much that it is defining his Halloween costume - I have made him a rough draft of his kart out of a Tivo box and he now incorporates it into nearly every element of play during the day.
Okay, back to the plot. So I had googled "unlock character mario kart wii" and found this great page with hints on how to get more characters. Seems I have already done the easiest ones, so now I need to try for the more challenging ones. I play several games and really don't get anywhere. My wife comes in and asks to join at which time, my progress toward those new characters is put on hold, but it's a chance for my wife and I to do something together, so I take it. We play for a while and eventually she is too tired and heads to bed. It's about 1:00 am now. I play maybe one more game and then follow her.
I woke this morning with a severe headache. Actually, my alarm on my phone went off at about 6:00 am, and I got up to silence it and then went back to bed. Kids woke soon after and I let my wife get up with them. My head was really hurting, so I tried to sleep it off. I really didn't drink enough last night to warrant this, but I guess I have to deal with the cards in my hand. So I lie in bed and listen to her bang dishes and threaten the boys - mostly the oldest who is in a bad mood and wants to "Play Wii" first thing in the morning - I have NO IDEA where he gets that obsession with games... Finally I get up and get started. I throw on a flannel shirt and my jeans that I have worn several days without washing them... it's okay, I don't really sweat, and haven't had much physical activity. Also, it is very rare that anyone sticks their nose in the ass of my jeans.
I take my Concerta and eat the leftover oatmeal from the boys. My wife fixes a pot of coffee and I accept a cup from her. I sit down in the living room and check the e-mail that has come on my blackberry this morning... nothing important yet. I open my laptop and power it up. The boys are watching PBS Kids and this new show called "Dinosaur Train" is about to come on. This episode is about the conductor of the train who is the smartest of all dinosaurs... they talk about his species and lots of other interesting stuff. I think "Is this dinosaur some ancestor of humans?..." I don't think so, because from my recollection, primates were mostly a separate line from the lizards of lore. But it's worth a google.... Again, I'm taking the righteous path of "putting first things first". Turns out I was correct in my thought that there is no suggested path from smarty-conductor-saur directly to yours truly. But that's what the internets are there for - scientific inquiry.
So it's about 9:00 am at this point. No emergency e-mails yet. Headache is still there, so I take a couple ibuprofen. My youngest boy is crying a lot, so I try to comfort him and get him calmed down while my wife finishes cleaning the kitchen. I don't want to make this into a long story (wohhh... too late), so I'll cut to the interesting parts... the end. Okay, so I should probably hit some of the other points. I decide at some point that it is time to get down to my office and "knock out that pile of work" I have to do! I take my computer, coffee, and assorted papers down and have my 1.5 year old shut the basement door for me (one of his favorite activities.. makes him feel special). When I reach my desk, I quickly scan the area and see that there are several cups and plates scattered among the mess of papers and empty diet coke cans. I step into the role of "good husband" and pick up all I can carry and take it upstairs. I'm about to put the cups in the sink and fill them with water to soak, when my wife says "Rinse those and put them in the dishwasher". I protest slightly, but comply. Back down to the basement for the remaining dishes (there has been a plate from a waffle sitting in one of my desk drawers for about 2 weeks - no mold or anything, just old syrup and a fork that is pretty much welded to the plate at this point). I take those upstairs and rinse them off and do as I was told. No more dishes in my office or in the sink. I'm good to go.
Now is when I decide to do something that I'm sure I will be scolded for... My wife did her share... I go to the medicine cabinet and take out my Lexapro bottle. "You already took that this morning". No, I took the Concerta. I did take the Lex last night. But I decide to try a little experiment - I'm a scientist after all... like Dr. Jekyll, but a scientist nonetheless. I take one more dose of Lexapro to see if it helps counteract the Concerta during the day. I know that when I was taking them both in the morning initially, I experienced a bad crash around 6:00 pm. But I've already got a dose of Lex in me from last night, so let's just see... will make interesting blogging at any rate...
So here I am. It's now 9:30 am, and I have everything I need including another cup of leaded coffee, a long list of crap I've been putting off for days, an extra dose of mellow and an office with no more dishes (still piles of papers everywhere and a steadily growing stack of soda cans overflowing from the trashcan next to my desk). So I'm officially "About to Be Awesome!" This is the day! The stage is set! Lookout financial success, here I come!! This is going to be great! Wow, I feel so good about this... I should put something in my blog!!!! Great Idea!!!
So here I am. It's now 10:05 am. I'm about finished with this blog entry. I was only interrupted once to go pee and get a glass of water (the coffee and small breakfast is starting to make me a little nauseous... or is it that extra dose of Lex?.... Nah, just needed some water). Okay, this is it! It's not quite lunchtime yet, so I can get some good work done before I have to break to eat something. Wife is getting the kids ready to go out for a while... What's that banging? Probably one of the kids hitting something... Should I check it out? Nah, I need to get to working. Big day ahead! Wait, got a call from the mortgage banker... I run upstairs and confirm the pay rate that my wife is making in her new job.. and the hours... they don't want us to make too much, or we will be excluded from the FHA program we are planning to use. Okay, all good. Back to the office! Almost 10:15 now, and I'm ready to go! Just gotta finish this blog... and get to it. Will give an update later today on my amazing workday!
One last thing - I'm still not sure about this AD/HD diagnosis... I think I'm perfectly normal... I can focus... right?... Yeah, I should probably look into that... maybe google it... well, not right now.. Gotta work!
Chris
Update: So I couldn't publish my entry without reading through it. It's now 10:29 am. I only had to fix one occurance of "though" instead of "thought", but it's mostly clean now... and pretty interesting in a rambling sort of way. Been going back and forth over text messages with my niece who is going to sit at home and watch the movie version of RENT today. Must be sick or something. I told her that she should try to find the video of the original cast doing the real play on broadway... the movie is too "Hollywood" and leaves out some of the best songs from the musical... she asks where she can find that, and I promise to research it for her. Not going to do that now because I have to get some work done! Maybe I won't get around to doing the research, but I'm sure she will forgive me. They always do because I never end up "getting around to" much. But I tell her I will give her an update when I'm at her house this weekend "shooting her brother"... he called me last night asking if I would really be interested in photographing him for his senior portraits. Absolutely, I told him and we made plans for this weekend. His family is struggling financially, so I know my pro-bono work will help him. Also, I love photography, and have the thought that I will be able to get him some fun, unique photos that other kids would never imagine. Maybe he'll show it to his friends and they will all ask who this amazing photographer is, and he will say his awesome uncle, and I will get a long list of clients and be able to quit the job that I spend so much time trying to put off!!! Or maybe we'll just get something usable and nobody will care... we'll see.
Okay, time to work!!! Wish me luck!!!
Chris
Okay, back to the plot. So I had googled "unlock character mario kart wii" and found this great page with hints on how to get more characters. Seems I have already done the easiest ones, so now I need to try for the more challenging ones. I play several games and really don't get anywhere. My wife comes in and asks to join at which time, my progress toward those new characters is put on hold, but it's a chance for my wife and I to do something together, so I take it. We play for a while and eventually she is too tired and heads to bed. It's about 1:00 am now. I play maybe one more game and then follow her.
I woke this morning with a severe headache. Actually, my alarm on my phone went off at about 6:00 am, and I got up to silence it and then went back to bed. Kids woke soon after and I let my wife get up with them. My head was really hurting, so I tried to sleep it off. I really didn't drink enough last night to warrant this, but I guess I have to deal with the cards in my hand. So I lie in bed and listen to her bang dishes and threaten the boys - mostly the oldest who is in a bad mood and wants to "Play Wii" first thing in the morning - I have NO IDEA where he gets that obsession with games... Finally I get up and get started. I throw on a flannel shirt and my jeans that I have worn several days without washing them... it's okay, I don't really sweat, and haven't had much physical activity. Also, it is very rare that anyone sticks their nose in the ass of my jeans.
I take my Concerta and eat the leftover oatmeal from the boys. My wife fixes a pot of coffee and I accept a cup from her. I sit down in the living room and check the e-mail that has come on my blackberry this morning... nothing important yet. I open my laptop and power it up. The boys are watching PBS Kids and this new show called "Dinosaur Train" is about to come on. This episode is about the conductor of the train who is the smartest of all dinosaurs... they talk about his species and lots of other interesting stuff. I think "Is this dinosaur some ancestor of humans?..." I don't think so, because from my recollection, primates were mostly a separate line from the lizards of lore. But it's worth a google.... Again, I'm taking the righteous path of "putting first things first". Turns out I was correct in my thought that there is no suggested path from smarty-conductor-saur directly to yours truly. But that's what the internets are there for - scientific inquiry.
So it's about 9:00 am at this point. No emergency e-mails yet. Headache is still there, so I take a couple ibuprofen. My youngest boy is crying a lot, so I try to comfort him and get him calmed down while my wife finishes cleaning the kitchen. I don't want to make this into a long story (wohhh... too late), so I'll cut to the interesting parts... the end. Okay, so I should probably hit some of the other points. I decide at some point that it is time to get down to my office and "knock out that pile of work" I have to do! I take my computer, coffee, and assorted papers down and have my 1.5 year old shut the basement door for me (one of his favorite activities.. makes him feel special). When I reach my desk, I quickly scan the area and see that there are several cups and plates scattered among the mess of papers and empty diet coke cans. I step into the role of "good husband" and pick up all I can carry and take it upstairs. I'm about to put the cups in the sink and fill them with water to soak, when my wife says "Rinse those and put them in the dishwasher". I protest slightly, but comply. Back down to the basement for the remaining dishes (there has been a plate from a waffle sitting in one of my desk drawers for about 2 weeks - no mold or anything, just old syrup and a fork that is pretty much welded to the plate at this point). I take those upstairs and rinse them off and do as I was told. No more dishes in my office or in the sink. I'm good to go.
Now is when I decide to do something that I'm sure I will be scolded for... My wife did her share... I go to the medicine cabinet and take out my Lexapro bottle. "You already took that this morning". No, I took the Concerta. I did take the Lex last night. But I decide to try a little experiment - I'm a scientist after all... like Dr. Jekyll, but a scientist nonetheless. I take one more dose of Lexapro to see if it helps counteract the Concerta during the day. I know that when I was taking them both in the morning initially, I experienced a bad crash around 6:00 pm. But I've already got a dose of Lex in me from last night, so let's just see... will make interesting blogging at any rate...
So here I am. It's now 9:30 am, and I have everything I need including another cup of leaded coffee, a long list of crap I've been putting off for days, an extra dose of mellow and an office with no more dishes (still piles of papers everywhere and a steadily growing stack of soda cans overflowing from the trashcan next to my desk). So I'm officially "About to Be Awesome!" This is the day! The stage is set! Lookout financial success, here I come!! This is going to be great! Wow, I feel so good about this... I should put something in my blog!!!! Great Idea!!!
So here I am. It's now 10:05 am. I'm about finished with this blog entry. I was only interrupted once to go pee and get a glass of water (the coffee and small breakfast is starting to make me a little nauseous... or is it that extra dose of Lex?.... Nah, just needed some water). Okay, this is it! It's not quite lunchtime yet, so I can get some good work done before I have to break to eat something. Wife is getting the kids ready to go out for a while... What's that banging? Probably one of the kids hitting something... Should I check it out? Nah, I need to get to working. Big day ahead! Wait, got a call from the mortgage banker... I run upstairs and confirm the pay rate that my wife is making in her new job.. and the hours... they don't want us to make too much, or we will be excluded from the FHA program we are planning to use. Okay, all good. Back to the office! Almost 10:15 now, and I'm ready to go! Just gotta finish this blog... and get to it. Will give an update later today on my amazing workday!
One last thing - I'm still not sure about this AD/HD diagnosis... I think I'm perfectly normal... I can focus... right?... Yeah, I should probably look into that... maybe google it... well, not right now.. Gotta work!
Chris
Update: So I couldn't publish my entry without reading through it. It's now 10:29 am. I only had to fix one occurance of "though" instead of "thought", but it's mostly clean now... and pretty interesting in a rambling sort of way. Been going back and forth over text messages with my niece who is going to sit at home and watch the movie version of RENT today. Must be sick or something. I told her that she should try to find the video of the original cast doing the real play on broadway... the movie is too "Hollywood" and leaves out some of the best songs from the musical... she asks where she can find that, and I promise to research it for her. Not going to do that now because I have to get some work done! Maybe I won't get around to doing the research, but I'm sure she will forgive me. They always do because I never end up "getting around to" much. But I tell her I will give her an update when I'm at her house this weekend "shooting her brother"... he called me last night asking if I would really be interested in photographing him for his senior portraits. Absolutely, I told him and we made plans for this weekend. His family is struggling financially, so I know my pro-bono work will help him. Also, I love photography, and have the thought that I will be able to get him some fun, unique photos that other kids would never imagine. Maybe he'll show it to his friends and they will all ask who this amazing photographer is, and he will say his awesome uncle, and I will get a long list of clients and be able to quit the job that I spend so much time trying to put off!!! Or maybe we'll just get something usable and nobody will care... we'll see.
Okay, time to work!!! Wish me luck!!!
Chris
Monday, October 12, 2009
A Month or More
So it has been a while since I put a new post up. I've been busy busy with work and life.
House Hunt
We are trying to get in under the wire to buy a house with the current First-time-home-buyer-tax-incentive of $8K. It has been a whirlwind since the time a little over a month ago when we realized that we could maybe pull it off. We are mostly broke, and really have no business buying a house under normal terms, but it's just too hard to pass up a free $8K from the government. If we save $10K in the next couple years, we would always feel like we had really only saved $2K for letting this pass by. Also, I should note that we are looking for a reasonably priced house that would be within our means. It has always just been that down-payment part that we had trouble coming up with.
So we found one. Nice "split-foyer" house in the best school district around that is in our budget. This one is at the top of our budget, but we decided to go with it because it has so many updates that we can likely go quite a while without having to really put any extra money into it. So now we have signed the contract and things are progressing steadily. Nerve-wracking. Had no idea how crazy all this stuff can be. But it's getting us closer to one of our long-term goals which is finally owning a home. It's always upsetting to see those "poor people" who own trailers and three monster trucks and think "Well, they probably have a higher net worth than I do...". My wife and I were both actors for many years, so we have lived this vagabond life until recently. So it's exciting to think that we could actually "own something" now if it all comes together. I told my wife the other night that the first thing I'm going to do when I get in that house is destroy something. Knock down a wall, or just put a hole somewhere BECAUSE I CAN! Never had that ability before... ha ha.
So what does this have to do with anything? Well, this entry should maybe be titled "AD/HD vs FHA". This whole process is more complicated because I'm not organized. I'm lucky that we have done our taxes using turbo tax the last several years, so I just had to hunt down a .pdf in order to send my information to the mortgage bankers. My office is still a mess, and it has been VERY TOUGH getting any of my real work done because of all the house-stuff going on. On top of it all, we have to worry about the lease we are currently in that doesn't run out until the end of April. Our landlord is saying he is going to require us to pay him for the entire lease. So we also have that to deal with. If we are living paycheck to paycheck, then paying both a lease and a mortgage isn't going to be easy. So again, this is challenging.
Concerning my medication (I refuse to refer to them as "meds". It sounds like I have accepted and even taken some delight in my dependence - enough that I would call them by their informal name...) I have been keeping up with Concerta daily, but have slacked off on Lexapro. I forget to take it in the evening. I do start to notice after a couple days though. My sex-drive starts to creep back, and my fuse gets shorter... A couple nights ago, I got all worked up about the appraisal on the house, and my wife said "did you forget to take your Lexapro?".... "No... it's not that... this just isn't right, and I'm concerned about it...." Okay, so maybe I was slightly busted. I had skipped a couple days, but I'm pretty sure I would have still been bothered. Short story is that we were buying a 3 bedroom house, and it was appraised as a 2 bedroom with half the livable area we were expecting... but it seems it doesn't matter as long as the bank is okay with it.
Weight seems to still be dropping even though I've been "bad" a couple times, and I've had a drink or two a couple nights. I will only really start worrying about it when I start to drop below my goal weight. Until then, WOO HOO! :) Well, must get some work done.
Chris
House Hunt
We are trying to get in under the wire to buy a house with the current First-time-home-buyer-tax-incentive of $8K. It has been a whirlwind since the time a little over a month ago when we realized that we could maybe pull it off. We are mostly broke, and really have no business buying a house under normal terms, but it's just too hard to pass up a free $8K from the government. If we save $10K in the next couple years, we would always feel like we had really only saved $2K for letting this pass by. Also, I should note that we are looking for a reasonably priced house that would be within our means. It has always just been that down-payment part that we had trouble coming up with.
So we found one. Nice "split-foyer" house in the best school district around that is in our budget. This one is at the top of our budget, but we decided to go with it because it has so many updates that we can likely go quite a while without having to really put any extra money into it. So now we have signed the contract and things are progressing steadily. Nerve-wracking. Had no idea how crazy all this stuff can be. But it's getting us closer to one of our long-term goals which is finally owning a home. It's always upsetting to see those "poor people" who own trailers and three monster trucks and think "Well, they probably have a higher net worth than I do...". My wife and I were both actors for many years, so we have lived this vagabond life until recently. So it's exciting to think that we could actually "own something" now if it all comes together. I told my wife the other night that the first thing I'm going to do when I get in that house is destroy something. Knock down a wall, or just put a hole somewhere BECAUSE I CAN! Never had that ability before... ha ha.
So what does this have to do with anything? Well, this entry should maybe be titled "AD/HD vs FHA". This whole process is more complicated because I'm not organized. I'm lucky that we have done our taxes using turbo tax the last several years, so I just had to hunt down a .pdf in order to send my information to the mortgage bankers. My office is still a mess, and it has been VERY TOUGH getting any of my real work done because of all the house-stuff going on. On top of it all, we have to worry about the lease we are currently in that doesn't run out until the end of April. Our landlord is saying he is going to require us to pay him for the entire lease. So we also have that to deal with. If we are living paycheck to paycheck, then paying both a lease and a mortgage isn't going to be easy. So again, this is challenging.
Concerning my medication (I refuse to refer to them as "meds". It sounds like I have accepted and even taken some delight in my dependence - enough that I would call them by their informal name...) I have been keeping up with Concerta daily, but have slacked off on Lexapro. I forget to take it in the evening. I do start to notice after a couple days though. My sex-drive starts to creep back, and my fuse gets shorter... A couple nights ago, I got all worked up about the appraisal on the house, and my wife said "did you forget to take your Lexapro?".... "No... it's not that... this just isn't right, and I'm concerned about it...." Okay, so maybe I was slightly busted. I had skipped a couple days, but I'm pretty sure I would have still been bothered. Short story is that we were buying a 3 bedroom house, and it was appraised as a 2 bedroom with half the livable area we were expecting... but it seems it doesn't matter as long as the bank is okay with it.
Weight seems to still be dropping even though I've been "bad" a couple times, and I've had a drink or two a couple nights. I will only really start worrying about it when I start to drop below my goal weight. Until then, WOO HOO! :) Well, must get some work done.
Chris
Friday, September 18, 2009
Weight Loss
Since I started Concerta coming up on 3 weeks ago, I have lost a little over 5lbs. For a 400 lb person, this isn't much, but I only weighed 220 at my heaviest (which was within the last two months). So I'm down 15lbs or so from my worst. Feels pretty good to be on the way down. I'm 6' tall, so I would like to be somewhere around 185lbs at my current muscle-tone. I've also started to let up on my intake of Omeprazole for heartburn. I can go at least a few days without being in too much pain. The good thing about that is that even when I have a little pain from reflux, as long as it's bearable, it really just keeps me from overeating or making bad food choices. In addition, since I started Concerta, I have stopped drinking alcohol. My wife, as I've mentioned before, always has wine in the house, and it used to be very difficult for me to abstain from drinking it. But now, when I look at the bottle of white in the fridge, I think "Nah, it's just not worth it." I know that it will just add extra calories to my body, usually late at night (the worst time) and if my stomach is burning a bit, it would only be worse if I drank wine.
I did eat a whole sub from Jimmy John's today for lunch, so I don't think I'm at risk yet for anorexia. Actually, since my Concerta has leveled out, I feel like my appetite is returning a bit. However, when I start to open the cabinets looking for a snack, I often just get some water out of the fridge and my cravings subside.
Actually, I should mention that I'm feeling pretty consistently dehydrated. When I get to extreme levels, I get a bit fatigued, but I seem to feel better once I water myself. This drug is known to cause dry mouth, but I think it's really noticeable. The other thing is that I'm more likely to choose water now than soda or something else (except for my coffee in the morning). Water just seems more appealing most of the time, but on occasion my taste buds get bored and I want something else. Okay, enough for today. Must join my family. Have a nice weekend everybody.
Chris
I did eat a whole sub from Jimmy John's today for lunch, so I don't think I'm at risk yet for anorexia. Actually, since my Concerta has leveled out, I feel like my appetite is returning a bit. However, when I start to open the cabinets looking for a snack, I often just get some water out of the fridge and my cravings subside.
Actually, I should mention that I'm feeling pretty consistently dehydrated. When I get to extreme levels, I get a bit fatigued, but I seem to feel better once I water myself. This drug is known to cause dry mouth, but I think it's really noticeable. The other thing is that I'm more likely to choose water now than soda or something else (except for my coffee in the morning). Water just seems more appealing most of the time, but on occasion my taste buds get bored and I want something else. Okay, enough for today. Must join my family. Have a nice weekend everybody.
Chris
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Since Last
Been several days since I blogged. I was traveling last week. I have really started to level out on the drug effects. I would like to switch to decaf coffee though. I've still been eating much healthier and exercising quite a lot. Appetite is still low as is sex drive. Masturbated today, and it took a very long time to get aroused. It's strange for me to look at porn and have a very ambivalent feeling about it.
Work is still difficult to get things started. Tonight I stayed up until 1:00 working on a proposal that has taken me a long time to start. I think it helped that my wife drank a bottle and a half of wine which pissed me off. We are so broke and she keeps guzzling the grape juice. I always get a little self-righteous when I've stopped drinking, but I also almost always stop drinking when we are completely broke. Anyways... big meetings tomorrow. Must sleep.
Chris
Work is still difficult to get things started. Tonight I stayed up until 1:00 working on a proposal that has taken me a long time to start. I think it helped that my wife drank a bottle and a half of wine which pissed me off. We are so broke and she keeps guzzling the grape juice. I always get a little self-righteous when I've stopped drinking, but I also almost always stop drinking when we are completely broke. Anyways... big meetings tomorrow. Must sleep.
Chris
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Day 7
So the rest of Day 6 was pretty uneventful. I did feel a bit overwhelmed with the prospect of work the next day, and was unsuccessful in getting some last-minute work done. I watched some TV and did one little work thing, but got caught up in the program (Season 3 Finally of Weeds) and put the computer down. I'm not sure if my despair was due to the fact that I had missed a dose of Lexapro. It's possible, I guess. Oh, the last thing about day 6 is that I had much more trouble getting to sleep last night. I lie down and don't feel the least bit tired. But I do get to sleep, I think, after not too long.
I dreaded my "Monday Morning" meeting all the way until it happened (on Tuesday because of the holiday). I bullshitted my way through it and felt better afterward, but really began to feel the urge to fuck around or go for a run instead of working. I have to do 3 days of long long long drives starting tomorrow, and I haven't made any reservations yet, and my appointments aren't really booked solid yet. Also, I have one sales proposal that has been hanging out there forever that needs to be done. Just having trouble getting it started. I really think I'm going to go for a run before lunch though. I will take my phone so I can field calls if they come in.
So the double dose of Concerta hasn't seemed to bother me much. Surprisingly, I seem to feel the effects LESS than I did when I was only taking 18mg. The exception is the insomnia. I did notice fewer chills yesterday. I don't know if this is because of the 36mg's or because I didn't take my Lexapro the night before. I am yawning a bit this morning, but it might just be because of the trouble getting to sleep.
I told my wife my theory about this drug being just a drug to change my personality instead of a cure to a "condition". She didn't really comment - I think it was over her head as most things theoretical or complex tend to be. She only really listens when I say things about money. Anyways... I'm going to go run. Oh, the other thing... my legs. I feel like I'm wiggling pretty much non-stop now. I was on a video call this morning, and I could see everybody else along with myself. I was the only one who was wiggling around. Looked like I was nervous about not being ready for the meeting..... hmmmm... I wonder why.... But I am still going pretty constantly.
Oh, one last thing (sorry). I have been eating much healthier than before I started the Concerta. My lack of appetite and my desire to get back in shape have together helped to make a considerable change in my food choices. I took my 3 1/2 year old to McDonald's yesterday and struggled to find something that looked healthy enough to eat (sorry, can't do their lame attempt at salads). I ended up with a Filet O'Fish, which I regretted after I bit into it. Should have gone with the grilled chicken. But normally I would go right to the double quarter pounder with fries. Also, I did have one beer last night while I was watching TV, but I've drastically cut back on alcohol. Since I'm making all these changes and exercising, it just doesn't seem worth it to cram a bunch of useless calories into my body. Interesting how Concerta has pushed me in this direction.
Chris
I dreaded my "Monday Morning" meeting all the way until it happened (on Tuesday because of the holiday). I bullshitted my way through it and felt better afterward, but really began to feel the urge to fuck around or go for a run instead of working. I have to do 3 days of long long long drives starting tomorrow, and I haven't made any reservations yet, and my appointments aren't really booked solid yet. Also, I have one sales proposal that has been hanging out there forever that needs to be done. Just having trouble getting it started. I really think I'm going to go for a run before lunch though. I will take my phone so I can field calls if they come in.
So the double dose of Concerta hasn't seemed to bother me much. Surprisingly, I seem to feel the effects LESS than I did when I was only taking 18mg. The exception is the insomnia. I did notice fewer chills yesterday. I don't know if this is because of the 36mg's or because I didn't take my Lexapro the night before. I am yawning a bit this morning, but it might just be because of the trouble getting to sleep.
I told my wife my theory about this drug being just a drug to change my personality instead of a cure to a "condition". She didn't really comment - I think it was over her head as most things theoretical or complex tend to be. She only really listens when I say things about money. Anyways... I'm going to go run. Oh, the other thing... my legs. I feel like I'm wiggling pretty much non-stop now. I was on a video call this morning, and I could see everybody else along with myself. I was the only one who was wiggling around. Looked like I was nervous about not being ready for the meeting..... hmmmm... I wonder why.... But I am still going pretty constantly.
Oh, one last thing (sorry). I have been eating much healthier than before I started the Concerta. My lack of appetite and my desire to get back in shape have together helped to make a considerable change in my food choices. I took my 3 1/2 year old to McDonald's yesterday and struggled to find something that looked healthy enough to eat (sorry, can't do their lame attempt at salads). I ended up with a Filet O'Fish, which I regretted after I bit into it. Should have gone with the grilled chicken. But normally I would go right to the double quarter pounder with fries. Also, I did have one beer last night while I was watching TV, but I've drastically cut back on alcohol. Since I'm making all these changes and exercising, it just doesn't seem worth it to cram a bunch of useless calories into my body. Interesting how Concerta has pushed me in this direction.
Chris
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